How to Kill a Vampire

how to kill vampires

Killing Vampires

Vampires, the most notorious myth and creature of the night. The myth about vampires has been around a long time. Since the Egyptians, Greeks and many more. In fact, the Greeks believed that redheads turned into vampires when they died. Are Vampires real? Yes they are. They are not quite the vampires of pop culture today. They happen to find the current vampire fad to be very humorous. Most of what you know about them is true. However, I will review the ways to kill a vampire.

The most famous way to kill a vampire is with a wooden stake. All you do is drive that stake through their heart and poof, you got yourself a pile of vamp dust. It is said that a stake made from ash, aspen or white thorn works the best. Also, there are old legends that say that a silver or iron stake can get the job done. I don’t know about those, I haven’t tried them. Vampires are adverse to silver though. It burns their flesh and can incapacitate them.

Other ways to hinder them but might not necessarily kill them are with garlic, holy water and a cross. These things will keep them away, injury them but won’t kill them. If you have an angry vampire after you I would suggest protecting yourself with these things. Whatever you did to anger a vampire took some balls though. There are tough and can be very mean. Vampires are like people, some are good and some are bad. Pray you never come across one that views humans as a lesser being and no more than a meal. Humans by themselves are no match for a vampire. If you live in an area where there has been mysterious deaths and disappearances then you should take some precautions. Don’t leave the house without a cross or some holy water. Not all vampires are bad though. I happen to know quite a few nice ones. Just don’t piss them off, they’ll take your head off without thinking twice about it.

Another age old method to kill vampires is with sunlight. I know some of you may have forgotten this trick because of certain popular vampire family that seems to be everywhere (I’m not naming any names). This particular group of vampires are not real. I’m sorry, I know I’m breaking the hearts of a million tween girls everywhere. I hate to break it to you but vampires do not glitter in the damn sun. They burn up and die. It takes direct sunlight to cause this. Vampires can go out during the day if they wish and are very careful. I know that some vampire scientist are working on some sort of super strong sunscreen that can protect them. They haven’t had any successful trials yet.

Beheading is always a good method to kill vampires and most things. If you have a sword and the strength then try this. It is usually easy to get done then a stake through the heart. You will want to bury the head and body separately though, the body will try to find the head. Or just burn both and spread the ashes. Fire is another method to kill vampires. Everything burns. You must always spread the ashes though.

If you plan to go kill a vampire be very cautious. They are strong, fast and some have supernatural abilities. They are not all brooding teenagers. But a lot of them do brood. Go out prepared and run if you must. They can be vicious or the nicest person you’ve ever met. Some will turn you if you find yourself wanting eternal life. Again, be careful.

P.S. Edward Cullen has nothing on Lestat or Dracula or Spike or Angel or anyone for that matter.

P.S.S. Twilight’s got nothing on Buffy